Pencil Shavings
by Daikon
Summary: AU. Demyx and Zexion are roommates; Zexion is in love with Demyx. Continued due to popular demand!
1. I'm Gonna Make You Lose Control

Pencil Shavings

Disclaimer: KH is greater than me. Therefore, I do not own it. Sad face.

*~*~*~*

Demyx. Never had one word contained such pain, agony and longing. Zexion jerked the textbook off the shelf angrily. The fates had clearly conspired against him; he wasn't sure which god he had offended or what sins he had committed to earn him this fate, but in all honesty that was irrelevant. What mattered was the fact that he, perfectly calm, cool and composed Zexion, had gone and fallen madly for his best friend. Better yet, his straight and male best friend. The ultimate clincher? They were also roommates. Yes, Zexion had clearly pissed off some god at some point or another and was being punished for it.

Every day, Zexion got back from class to find Demyx being his Demyx-y self. Sometimes he was playing his sitar, sometimes he was playing PS2, and very, very rarely he was studying. But if Zexion was going to be honest with himself, what Demyx was doing most often was running around the room without a shirt, getting ready to go out. In fact, nine nights out of ten, Demyx went out clubbing. This wouldn't be so bad if 1) Demyx didn't seem to parade around the room in various states of undress for at least two hours prior to going out 2) Demyx didn't look so fucking _hot _once he was ready and 3) Demyx didn't go with whatever vapid airheaded piece of fluff he was currently boning, then go back to said chick's place afterwards. Zexion had tried to go clubbing with Demyx exactly once, and within five minutes of arriving had had his insides ripped out- or at least in feeling. Demyx and his chick du jour (Lauren? Larene? Something like that) had promptly fallen into a pattern of sex simulation on the dance floor and Zexion, in turn, hadn't been able to feel his lungs. Feigning illness (and not that it was hard, since he really did feel ill) he'd begged off, and then claimed that the smoky environment must have made him sick and he'd rather not go back again. So every night, Zexion simply pretended he lived in a single and Demyx liked to hang out in there a lot during the day. And at night Demyx went back to his own room, not someone else's. And Zexion might someday… _someday_ have a chance. He slammed the textbook down onto the desk and considered hurling his brimming-full cup of coffee across the room. He, as usual, was staying up all night studying for the sake of studying; he never seemed to be able to sleep on nights Demyx went out. Chem wasn't his great love, but it made sense, it was manageable, and it didn't torture his every waking moment. (Many college students may have disagreed with this statement, but they clearly hadn't met Demyx.) He resignedly flipped to chapter five of his book, prepared to review antibonding molecular orbitals, when the door suddenly burst open and a laughing Demyx collapsed against the door frame. Zexion froze momentarily, staring at the secret love of his life, who sank down to the ground still laughing hysterically.

"Demyx…" Zexion approached cautiously, staring at the other boy. His brow furrowed suspiciously when the smell of a brewery hit him. "Demyx, are you drunk?"

Still giggling, Demyx peered up at him. "No, no, I only had five. Six? I don't remember, but I'm cone stold sober. No, no, I'm cold stone sober." He paused, seemingly in thought. "Zexy, I'm pretty, aren't I?"

Zexion gaped. Was Demyx… pretty? Demyx was gorgeous, the most beautiful person to ever grace the earth. But you couldn't exactly tell your roommate that, now could you? "What's _wrong_ with you tonight, Demyx? Where is this _coming_ from?"

He laughed again, but this time his giggles were less hysterical, more bitter. "Kairi dumped me. She wants Sora. Because he's 'pretty.' Stupid bitch doesn't realize that he's in love with Riku, she hasn't got a prayer."

A serious confliction of emotion rose in Zexion's chest. On the one hand, Kairi, the girl Demyx had been seeing for the last month, was out of the picture; Demyx was available, at least for now. On the other, Kairi's desertion had clearly hurt Demyx, or he wouldn't be sitting in their doorway drunk off his ass, asking Zexion (of all people) if he thought he was pretty. In the end, loving concern won out over selfish jubilation, and he knelt down beside Demyx.

"Demyx, of course you're pretty. You're way prettier than Sora. Kairi would have to be blind to miss that."

"I just thought she liked me. I liked _her_. She's pretty and smart and she smells nice and she's smart. Whoa!" Demyx lost his (seated) balance then and fell into Zexion's shoulder. Zexion stiffened noticeably, but Demyx, still talking, predictably didn't notice. "And we hadn't even done anything yet. She hadn't even let me go in for under-the-shirt action. In fact, she'd barely let me go for over-the-shirt action. Stupid dumb girl." Demyx then pouted so adorably that Zexion felt his heart melting hopelessly. Demyx resumed talking, but Zexion wasn't able to listen. In some corner of his brain he filed away the fact that Kairi and Demyx hadn't done anything. This was relevant for two reasons; the first being that it meant one less person to worry about Demyx sleeping with and the second being it explained both why they'd been together so long and why Demyx was so torn up. Invariably, Demyx became bored with his girlfriends within a week of sleeping with them the first time and broke up with them almost immediately after he became bored. Whenever their friend Axel picked on his for it, Demyx defended himself by citing his diagnosed ADHD. Clearly it wasn't his fault that he couldn't remain into these girls for long, he had a condition! Zexion just counted his blessings; so long as Demyx continued to get bored with his string of girls, Zexion could pretend that the reason none of Demyx relationships lasted longer than the average tabloid scandal was because Demyx secretly loved _him_. He knew it was bullshit, but it made him feel better, so there was no harm done. He tuned back into the conversation with a start when Demyx pressed his face into Zexion's neck. "You smell nice too. Not like Kairi. Different nice. Zexion smell." Zexion found that he suddenly couldn't move, not one part of his body. He prayed to every god he'd ever heard of and a few that he hadn't that Demyx would move away from him and he'd resume his normal functioning. But in doing this, he forgot about the unnamed deity that had it out for him. So instead of moving away, Demyx pushed closer, pressing his whole body up against Zexion. "You love me, don't you Zexy?" Zexion's throat suddenly went completely dry, and any denial he may have tried to choke out was stifled.

"So Kairi was right," Demyx mused. He snuggled somehow closer, there was no room between them at all anymore and the room and hallway were both quickly escalating in temperature. Zexion felt a bead of sweat travel down his neck, and a sudden shiver wracked his body as Demyx flicked out his tongue and lapped it up. "And you want me, too." Demyx climbed unsteadily to his feet and edged backwards into the room, abandoning the doorframe. Zexion couldn't think; what was going on? Demyx had been pressed up against him, and all he wanted, all he wanted in the world right now, was to get back to that. Demyx held out his hands to him, and Zexion found himself walking towards him, his feet not under his conscious control. Somewhere in his brain, there was a voice screaming at him, reminding him that this was DEMYX, Demyx who was not his, was unattainable. Demyx who was his best friend, who was drunk, who might very well hate him for this in the morning. But denying himself Demyx for so long had left him desperately wanting, and he now found himself unable to walk away, not for any reason. His traitorous feet reached Demyx, and his hands, shaking madly, reached out towards his face, afraid to touch him. Demyx had no such qualms, and Zexion suddenly found himself wrapped in the other boy's embrace, his lips suddenly being met in the most wonderfully-wrong kiss in the world. Demyx kissed him hard, recklessly, pulling Zexion tightly against him like he never wanted to let go. Zexion found himself in a whirlwind of hands, his own and Demyx's, pulling and jerking, shirts ripped over heads, kisses trailed up and down soft, smooth skin, jeans unbuttoned, kicked off. The pair stumbled, fell into the bed and Zexion was consumed with Demyx, Demyx, Demyx; kissing him, touching him, every caress, every shiver. And even in this moment of everything he'd ever wanted, a tear trailed down his cheek; this was wrong, wrong and he knew it. He had ruined everything by caving into this one drunken moment, and it would never be fixable. But he had this moment, this one perfect moment of Demyx, and it would always be his.

He kissed the soft spot right beneath Demyx's ear, whispered the words softly "I love you," and felt himself explode.

The next morning, Zexion woke alone, just as he'd expected. He got up, got dressed, brushed his teeth, and then sat down at his desk to focus on chemistry. That evening he got a letter from the dean saying Demyx had put in for a room change. Zexion's hands shook as he read the letter, then he sat down at his desk and cried.

*~*~*~*


	2. I Must Be Emo

Author's notes: So, general consensus has been that I should continue the story, so here we go! It's going to be multichaptered, so I think I should also preface my story continuation with the statement that it's going to get worse before it gets better. Consider yourselves warned. :D

I am also reuploading the original so if you prefer the tragic oneshot it will still be available to you. Check my profile if you want it, it's 'Pencil Shavings (oneshot)'.

*~*~*~*

Zexion may have expected his one night with Demyx to sustain him, help get him through the pain of their fallout, but it didn't. Instead, it tore at him, ate him up from the inside out. No one would have ever classified Zexion as a particularly social being, but after Demyx moved out he retreated even deeper into his personal bubble. After careful deliberation, Zexion dropped his music theory class. It was the only class he'd had with Demyx, and it almost killed him to drop it, but he was sure it was for the best. His decision had not hinged on his desire to not see Demyx, but his terror that he might not. It was one thing to lose his best friend; it would be something else entirely to see Demyx intentionally shun his company, to go so far as to drop a class he needed for his major to avoid him. Better to beat him to the punch now than deal with the heartbreak later. Similarly, Zexion was afraid to visit any restaurants, cafes or clubs that Demyx had ever frequented; for fear that Demyx would be there and ignore him.

The room became his personal sanctuary, both to escape from and remember Demyx. He knew his room was the one place on campus where he had no chance of running into the other boy, and so he spent most of his time locked up in there, safe but for the memories, memories of Demyx sitting in _that_ chair and throwing his shirt down _there_ in his haste to change or… the most bittersweet of all: the bed that had become the center of Zexion's torment; the place where he had in one moment experienced both perfect completion and ultimate loss. These maudlin thoughts were quite out of character for Zexion. Despite his hair, he had always considered himself to be above the stereotypical emo subculture; now he was almost wallowing in it. At least, that was how Axel described him when he came to visit almost two weeks later and found Zexion lying face down on the floor with the lights off, listening to some kind of whiney indie band that he normally wouldn't have touched with a twenty five foot pole.

"Dude. Food." Axel chirped, holding up a Chic-Fil-A bag casually, then raised an eyebrow as he glanced around the room, taking in the atrocious mess that the normally pin-straight room had evolved into since Demyx moved out. Heaps of dirty and discarded clothing littered the floor, along with hordes of crumpled up paper, on some of which Axel was sure he spotted crappy, scratched-out song lyrics… and then Axel noticed something disconcerting. There was a surprising lack of food wrappers in said mess, and Zexion definitely looked thinner. "Have you even been eating, man? He's just a guy, there are millions of them. One of them is not worth this."

Zexion looked up at Axel with eyes so broken that just looking into them made him feel like he'd been punched in the gut. "I ruined everything. Everything. You say there are a million of them? What if it had been Roxas… what would _you_ do, if it had been Roxas?"

Axel had to sigh. Zexion had a very valid point; Roxas was a pain in his ass every day, what with his temper and stubbornness… but he was _Roxas._ The One. "Well met, Zex." Suddenly, his eyes lit up like a small child promised candy and he threw open Zexion's closet. "Ooo, I've got an idea! Eat that, and then" he threw a slinky shirt (which fell on the floor) and a pair of skinny jeans (that landed on Zexion's head) out of the closet "put these on. You can't waste your life away in here. If you're going to waste your life, you're at least doing it wasted, comprende?"

And that was how Zexion somehow found himself dragged out to a club on a Wednesday night. Unwillingly, of course, but Axel was rather like an alligator- once he latched onto an idea, it was much easier to just go along with it than trying to make him let go. Zexion's only request was that they go to a club Demyx didn't normally frequent, which was why it was such as surprise when "Oh shit," Axel whispered as Zexion's eyes trained on a familiar figure. Almost six feet of male perfection, blonde mullet slicked up as usual, blue eyes closed in rapture, dancing with a pretty… he choked. A pretty and painfully, painfully familiar redhead. Kairi. Zexion felt himself begin to hyperventilate, fighting to keep air in his lungs as he tried to grab Axel's arm to find something, anything to cling to, to keep him grounded, and yet he felt himself collapsing, falling…

The next thing Zexion was consciously aware of was the toilet bowl he was dry-heaving over in the bathroom of the club. Hot tears burned their way past his eyelids and down his cheeks as Axel knelt next to him, holding him up. As the convulsions of his stomach died down and his sobs subsided to painful hiccups, Axel began to talk. "Shit, man, I had no idea they'd be here. You gonna be okay? I didn't think-"

"Just take me home, Axel."

"But-"

"Just do it."

That night, every time Zexion closed his eyes all he could see was Demyx and Kairi. God, he'd thought nothing would ever be able to hurt him as much as receiving that letter saying Demyx was moving out, especially since he'd managed to miss the actual leaving; he'd conveniently disappeared to the library to work on a research paper. He would never have managed to make it through that with even a shred of his dignity remaining. But now… Now it was like loving Demyx had simply taken everything from him. His happiness, his hope, his innocence were all gone, fallen to the wayside in favor of loving Demyx hopelessly, one-sidedly. It was time now to face the facts; he had no dignity left to hold on to. Knowing that, he finally crawled into his bed for the first time since the night that had ripped his life apart. He buried his face in his blankets, praying that he would catch even a remnant of Demyx's scent clinging to the comforter. He didn't, and that just made everything worse.


	3. I Scream, You Scream

Author's notes: Welcome to the final chapter of Pencil Shavings! I'm not 100% sure if I like how I wrapped it up or not... but I'd love to hear what *you* think! Drop me a review and make my day! :)

*~*~*~*

Axel slammed Kairi's door open without knocking. He didn't care if she and Demyx were in there doing the nasty, in fact he kind of hoped they were. He'd love a reason to clock Demyx right now. Sure, he was Zexion and Demyx's mutual friend, but after helplessly witnessing Zexion falling apart, well… let's just say he wasn't feeling very friendly towards the cause of that meltdown. Much to his disappointment, however, Demyx wasn't there and Kairi was fully clothed. In fact, she was sitting cross-legged on her bed, textbook in her lap. She glanced up and grinned. "Hey Axel, what's… up…" she trailed off as she noticed the thunderous look on Axel's face.

"Where the hell do you come off, getting back together with Demyx?!"

Kairi blinked, surprised. "That's none of your business, Axel. And what do you care anyways, seeing as you're already spoken for?"

"_I_ don't care, but I can think of someone who does. Someone who witnessed you and Demyx's little PDA display at the club tonight. Maybe you know who I'm talking about?"

Kairi's normally tan face suddenly visibly paled. "Zexion… he saw that?"

Axel's rant was cut short by the look on Kairi's face and her uncharacteristic response. "Yes, as a matter of fact he did. It made him physically ill, if you were wondering. May I ask why _you_ care?"

Kairi was definitely looking a little green as she whispered "Because Demyx and I _aren't_ back together."

"Then what the hell _was_ that?"

"Oh god… explaining this is going to be hard. Basically… um… I thought I'd play matchmaker. You know how everyone on campus is aware that Zexion is in love with Demyx… except Demyx?"

"Yeah, he's really not subtle. I suppose it's good for him that Demyx is more oblivious than a brick."

"See, I disagree with that statement. I think it's terrible, because, well… my feminine intuition. Demyx is really subtle. Like, really REALLY subtle, but I picked up on some feelings for Zexion that were so subtle Demyx didn't even know about them."

"You're kidding."

She shook her head miserably. "So… I asked Demyx out." Seeing Axel's indignant look, she pressed on quickly, cutting off his objections "The whole point was to make sure I was right before I dropped the bombshell. And oh, Axel, I was *so* right. He's crazy about Zexion, absolutely head over heels. It's why he can't keep a girlfriend; because none of his girlfriends are Zexion. It's really sweet, actually. Anyways, I told him I liked Sora and wanted to break up, but that he should really talk to Zexion because I thought Zexion liked him. I didn't… anticipate his reaction correctly, though. He got positively hammered before going to see Zexion, so rather than having a rational discussion and admitting what they felt for each other, well…"

Axel's eyes widened. "They had sex." He finished for her. It made Zexion's misery make so much more sense; it was one thing to mourn something you'd never had, but to have touched what you want more than anything else and then have it ripped away… "So once Demyx sobered up some…"

"He freaked out. You know Demyx, always going for the knee-jerk reaction. His first instinct was to get out of there, so he applied for a room change before he really thought about it. By the time he got up the guts to go back, Zexion had already disappeared, so they never talked about it. And then Zexion dropped music theory… so Demyx is convinced Zexion hates him, just when he's finally admitted to himself that he's crazy for him."

"You still haven't explained what the hell happened _tonight_."

"Well, Demyx was depressed. Since I'm the one who told him about Zexion and opened up that whole can of worms, I've sort of had to take responsibility for all the crap that's going down. At least on Demyx's side. So I took him out to cheer him up. I actually had to get him shitfaced to get him to dance with me, if you can believe that. He wanted to sit around and mope. We went somewhere he doesn't normally go because we figured that way he'd get hit on less. He does have a reputation as a bit of a flirt at all his regular spots."

Axel groaned. "And I took Zexion out to cheer him up too. Somewhere we figured Demyx wouldn't be. How typical that we would manage to fuck this up so royally. So, how are we going to fix this?"

*~*~*~*

The next morning, Axel headed over to Zexion's dorm. Taking their status as college students into account, it is assumed that "morning" is equivalent to about two pm. Despite that, Zexion was still curled up in his bed.

"Zexion."

The slate-haired boy rolled over on the bed, facing his back to the other boy. "Go away, Axel."

"No. I'm here to cheer you up." Axel sauntered over to the bed and set a Happy Meal down next to Zexion. He didn't move.

"Well, it worked so well the last time, by all means dazzle me."

"You know, Zex, you don't have to be such a douche about this."

Zexion shrugged slightly and muttered "what else do I have to be?"

"Enough!" Axel bellowed, grabbing Zexion's arm and forcing him into a sitting position. He shoved the Happy Meal into Zexion's lap and glared. "Now, you are going to eat this, then you're going to get dressed like a normal human being and then we are going for a walk around campus. You need sunlight and stuff. Got it memorized?"

Zexion opened his mouth to speak, and Axel interrupted him. "No, you do not have a say in the matter. Now eat!"

Zexion ate robotically, consuming the burger without really tasting it, then the fries as well. He would probably have eaten the My Little Pony toy too had Axel not noticed and taken it out of his hand before he could bite it. He then dressed slowly, putting on mismatched shoes for probably the first time in his life. It really stunned Axel just how un-Zexion-y he'd become in the last two weeks. It was heartbreaking to witness.

Once Zexion's shoes were tied, Axel grabbed his hand and dragged him off, ignoring his yelps of protest.

*~*~*~*

"Demyx, come ON!" Kairi cried, pulling Demyx towards the door. He, however, was resisting wholeheartedly.

"Am I not allowed to mope in peace? It's Thursday. Thursdays are moping approved days."

"You just made that up. Anyways, fresh air will do you good. C'mon, I'll buy you ice cream."

Demyx pouted, but the promise of frozen confections forced him to follow her.

*~*~*~*

"Look at that, um, squirrel over there!"

"Axel, seriously, why did you drag me out here? There's no reason for me to be outside, and a million reasons for me to not."

"You don't want to watch squirrels?"

"Axel, seriousl…" Zexion's voice faded away completely as a redheaded girl with the exact person he least wanted to see appeared in the distance. He began to back away, breathing becoming labored. "Fuck, Axel, we have to get out of here, Demyx is coming."

Axel calmly grabbed his arm. "You want to get over him? Start by _seeing_ him."

Zexion stared at the concrete, willing himself to be calm. Axel could barely make out the pained whisper. "I don't want to get over him. I just don't want to see him be over me."

"Just hold it together, okay?" Axel muttered. Zexion having a panic attack was the last thing they needed right now…

*~*~*~*

"Kairi, we've passed like five ice cream stands. And an ice cream truck. Why can't we just stop at one of them, why is this one so… special… YOU PLANNED THIS!"

Kairi smirked. Demyx had caught sight of the approaching Zexion. She smacked him on the side of his head. "Shut up, Demyx. You want him to stop hating you, you're going to have to start interacting again sooner or later." She grinned as she caught sight of Demyx's clenched jaw. The focused look on his face grew furrowed and then concerned as they got closer. Kairi peered a bit closer at Zexion and she too became concerned; she hadn't realized you could lose that much weight in just two weeks. Demyx was starting to look panicked, but his eyes were riveted on Zexion's form. So far so good…

Axel had placed a hand on the small of Zexion's back, partly for support but mostly so if the smaller boy decided to bolt he could yank him back. Zexion had no plan, no way to approach this situation, and it obviously terrified him. His breathing was a little quick, but he wasn't having a panic attack or throwing up yet. Twenty feet and counting… fifteen… ten…

Zexion knew his dignity was in tatters, but that didn't stop him from attempting to seem together. He raised his chin with indifference (he hoped) when the two parties met.

"Demyx." He tossed off coolly.

Demyx just stared at him, eyes large. "Zexy… you look _awful_. Are you… are you okay?"

"Never been better." He muttered, glancing down to see if he really looked that bad. It suddenly came to his attention that he was wearing one dress shoe and one tennis shoe and he squeezed his eyes shut, pretending he was an ostrich. If he couldn't see Demyx, Demyx couldn't see him, Demyx couldn't see him…

"Are you… sure? You've been eating, right?" Crap, Demyx could totally still see him.

Zexion unscrunched his eyes just enough to send a basilisk-glare in Axel's direction before looking back at Demyx again. "Of course. Why wouldn't I have been eating? I've just been a little busy with chem. Anyways, what are you doing out in sunlight? Clubs don't open for another six hours."

"Oh for god's sake, let's just dispense with this whole charade." All three boys turned to stare at the petite redhead who was now rolling her eyes, arms akimbo. "Demyx, Zexion is still madly in love with you and has been really depressed because you moved out for the last two weeks and only eats when Axel shows up and forces him to. Zexion, Demyx realized he's in been in love with you for ages the night you guys hooked up but realizes he really hurt you and is too afraid he's going to hurt you again to say anything. Oh, and we didn't get back together, I just took Demyx out to try to get him less depressed over losing you. Now then, you guys work it out from there, *I'M* going to go get ice cream." And with that, Kairi turned and skipped away, turning back only to drag a semi-leering Axel away so Zexion and Demyx could talk privately.

"So Kairi's drunk, right?" Zexion shuffled his mismatched shoes against the sidewalk, afraid to meet Demyx's eyes. Had he looked, however, he would have noticed a suspicious sparkliness had filled them.

"No, she's cone stold sober," Demyx whispered. The familiar words jarred him and Zexion looked up to find Demyx staring at him with eyes brimming with tears. "You don't hate me?"

The misery that had built itself up around Zexion's heart was slowly melting, warm rays of hope forcing their way through. "I could never," he whispered. "But you hate me."

Demyx shook his head. "No, I hated myself. I used you to make myself feel better. And then when I realized… realized that I wanted more than that from you, I'd already been selfish enough to take what should have waited. I thought you'd be angry, that you wouldn't be able to forgive me. When I saw you cry… I realized I'd hurt you badly and I didn't deserve a second chance."

"You saw me cry?" Zexion's face flushed. He *never* cried in front of people.

"I was outside the door when you got the room assignment letter. I was coming to warn you about it, tell you it was a mistake and I didn't want to move out. But then you were crying and I didn't want to burden you with my own stupid feelings."

"So you …love me?" Zexion was afraid to breathe, waiting for the answer. But before Demyx even said it, he could see it in his blue eyes. They were sparkling with the most beautiful combination of redemption, laughter and love.

"I do. And you love me."

"But you already knew that," Zexion responded, and then he couldn't contain it anymore. He let himself bubble over with laughter, felt the absolute joy diffusing through his limbs. Demyx loved him back; it was too good to be true. Again, he reached out, hands afraid to touch him, worried Demyx would shatter as insubstantially as a dream. But his fingers touched Demyx's cheek, warm, solid and real. Demyx grinned at him and pulled him into his arms.

"So… does this mean you're moving back in?" Zexion asked with an eyebrow raise when they broke apart. Demyx just laughed and pulled him in for another kiss.

*~*~*~*


End file.
